Friday, July 3, 2009

Putting it out there

What a crazy week it has been. For many reasons, both personal and work-related. On one personal issue I am not entirely sure where things stand, so I will just start with the work and then move into a different personal thing. Ok, I'm being confusing, so moving on...

There was a shooting in Simi on Wednesday, which is pretty unusual for my town. A husband walked into the dental office where his wife worked, shot her to death and wounded three others. Even though it was just down the street from my apartment, about a mile away, I didn't know about it until a few hours after it happened. Since I wasn't on the scene, there was lots of scrambling Wednesday night and Thursday morning/afternoon to get information from the cops. After the paper was finally "put to bed," I made my way to mine. Well, the couch anyway. I ate leftover teriyaki chicken and rice, drank a glass of wine and watched episode after episode of Friends until I fell asleep. On the couch. With Hazel. And then I didn't wake up until like 10 this morning. Good thing I have the day off.

This wasn't last night. But this happens often.

In other news, I have been meaning to give you guys a recap of the wedding shower I went to last Saturday. As I have mentioned before, my friends Stephanie and Ryan are getting married this month. They are high school sweethearts and like any relationship that begins in high school they have had a lot of ups and downs and breakups, but they are in a great place now, totally in love and solid as a couple. So I am very happy for them! 

Steph & Ryan at their shower. Aren't they cute?

But I was pretty nervous about going to the shower because I knew my ex and his girlfriend would be there. I have also mentioned before, but not in great detail, that there was a lot of drama between me and my ex AND his girlfriend. 

Long story short: My ex and his gf work at Fridays. They met there actually. I used to work at Fridays. After I graduated from college and couldn't find a job, I went back to Fridays because I knew I could get my job back as a host and the plan was to eventually become a server and make more money. Some are probably wondering why I would want to work where my ex works. First off, I worked there long before he did. Second, I have a bunch of friends, including my bestie, who works there. Third, I thought things were OK between me and the ex. We have mutual friends and had seen each other at a friend's birthday party and things were totally cool. We talked, we laughed, we were friends. His new girl had even pulled me aside once at the movie theater to talk to me about getting along since we did have mutual friends. Finally, I thought we were all mature adults. Well, I was wrong. They had a big problem with me working there, totally harassed me, I had a big blowout with his gf one day at the restaurant (which is totally unlike me) and I ended up quitting to preserve my sanity (even if it would damage my bank account for a few months).

Since then, I avoided going to Fridays when they were working and I hadn't seen the ex or the girlfriend for over a year until Saturday. So yes, I was super nervous. I had visions of them giving me evil glares or saying mean things... but then I realized that wouldn't happen. But still, I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach in the days leading up to the shower. Luckily, things didn't go as bad as I imagined. Aside from the ex drama, the shower was great because I got to hang out with friends I don't get to see as much as I'd like, including Stephanie, who I have known since 6th grade, and Ryan, who until recently was living in a city 2 hours away. I also got to see Anna, who I have known since 3rd grade and, to my great disbelief, informed me that we hadn't hung out since Christmas! I couldn't believe that, but she said she had my Christmas gift still! Geez. We are planning a Macaroni Grill date soon.

This is an old pic (check out my hair!) of me and Anna at our favorite get-together place: Mac G!

Back to the ex. Surprisingly, his girlfriend was cool. We played this girls-against-guys game that kind of broke the ice because we were forced to talk and even work together. But she could have ignored me the rest of the time. But she didn't. Later on in the party, all the girls were in the living room, sitting in a circle, chatting. Catching up. I asked her direct questions about stuff, and she responded. Wow, I thought, we have grown up, haven't we? So that was good. The bad part? The ex wasn't so cool. He didn't talk to me, even though while in the group setting I made a couple comments directed at him... And as far as I know, he never even looked at me. I don't know what to attribute it to. Maybe he is still angry at me? Maybe he didn't want to make his new girl mad? (I do know she is a very jealous person; I have been told that by both my ex and others.) I am kind of over it now, but I was hurt at the shower. We dated on and off for 5 years and we used to be such good friends. Best friends. I don't expect things to be the same but it would be nice if he could at least be ... I don't know, civil? But I'm not going to dwell on it because it doesn't do me any good and I know he is a totally different person now. For better or worse, he is not the person I fell in love with so many years ago. He was my first love and, unfortunately, a part of me will always care about him, even if he doesn't care about me.

Is this dangerous, posting a pic of the ex? Maybe. But this is us, NYE 2005, when we were "just friends." I was a lot skinnier back then. Ha!

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer or anything but I thought I should share. Because I know some of you out there have experienced the same kind of thing. And even though I haven't been the best (or most consistent) blogger lately, I have resolved to be more open in my posts. Some of you might have noticed I can be a bit guarded sometimes about my personal life but I want to change that. So many of you open yourself up to me in your posts, and I want to do the same.

Here's to wearing my heart on my sleeve.

P.S. I hope you have fabulous weekends and a very happy Fourth of July! Not sure what I am doing yet, but I am sure it will involve fireworks. 


Shoshanah said...

I understand feeling a little guarding. Its hard to know where to draw the line sometimes especially when there is someone else involved. I do appreciate your honesty though, and I hope you have a very happy 4th!


...I think that it's great that you still keep in touch with exbf...quite brave I must say! Have a fab 4th of July dear...always enjoy reading your sweet & juicy posts! XO*

Elizabeth Marie said...

Hey girl! I sooo understand about the ex thing, and I have to give you props for going...I prob would have backed out to be quite honest. It sucks when you have such a history with someone and then poof...for whatever reason, it's gone. And you're left like wtf...MY opinion is that you prob made him totally nervous being there and being confident and civil and can't handle it when we're rational. :) Good for you, seriously inspiring me because I won't even go to the mall 2 mins from my house because my ex works across the street and sometimes goes there on lunch or after work. Pathetic.
Anywayyyysss...I always leave you the longest comments ever!! I think we could talk for hours. I love that you're opening yourself up on your blog-it can be healing!

I hope you have a great 4th!! XOXO

Anonymous said...

wow, that's brave of you! I'm not experienced in relationship stuff, but I can just imagine how awkward it can be.
And man...that shooting sounds...horrible...

bethany said...

Hello, hello. I also live in a world where exes can never really be "exes" because all the puzzle pieces of your world touch in some way. It's so awkward. And whenever you're stuck at an event with an ex and his girlfriend/wife/lack of significant other, you really just want to find a hole. Or leave.

Suffice it to say...I get where you're coming from. :)

Hope your weekend allowed you to "detox" a little and celebrate the holiday! :)