Tuesday, July 21, 2009

State of mind

Hello everyone! I'm back from my long, unannounced and unanticipated blogging vay-cay. So sorry for such a long absence! My editor was out of town from the 8th to the 15th and I was crazy busy with work and being stressed out. As a result, I was MIA on the blog post front. But then, a few days off turned into almost two weeks. And the last few days, I just couldn't will myself to write a post! But like I said, I'm back now.

To be honest though, it wasn't just conducting interviews and writing articles that kept me away. I feel like over the last few weeks I have been an emotional wreck, easily overwhelmed or upset, and not just about work. Mostly, it was about my personal life. Which is still a little bit too difficult to talk about in great detail on here. Basically, I have some difficult choices to make about where I want my life to go and what I want my life to be and, well, it's hard to let go even when you know you have to. Sorry if that's vague, but that's all I can give right now.

Anyway, while I was absent from the blogosphere, there was one week where I think, looking back on it now, I kind of had a nervous breakdown. Lots of crying, let me tell you. My chest was tight, my heart literally hurt, I felt like there was this weight on me and I couldn't breathe. Not to mention all the knots in my stomach. These feelings made it difficult to concentrate on work, which only added to the stress. A vicious cycle, you could say.

Somehow I got through that and I am feeling better this week. Not to say that anything has changed in my life but I am managing my emotions better right now. The thing is, who knows when that intense depression is going to strike again? I don't like living the way I am living right now. So things do need to change. I feel like I am waiting for the right time, but when is it the right time to make a major change? That's what I need to figure out and I am pretty sure the answer is going to be similar to the advice a person would give someone right before pulling off a Band-Aid: Just do it.

It's just not that easy, of course.

So that's my reason behind the silence. The funny thing is, blogging can be pretty cathartic, so really, I should do it morenot lessin times of turmoil. I'll have to remember that next time. I know I have the support of the handful of people who read this blog, people who I have never even met. And I am grateful for that. What I wrote just now is something I haven't even shared with a best friend. It's nicealbeit, a little scaryto have a place to reveal the corners of your heart and know that you won't be judged and you're not alone.

P.S. I promise the next post will be more lighthearted. I had a pretty good weekend and I new look that I want to share with you!

3 wise images, all via i can read


Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

First, I missed you.

Second, I'm sorry to hear things aren't going so good right now. I've had days and weeks like that too so I know how it feels (well probably not entirely) but I know the feeling of being an emotional wreck and not being able to help it! Things will get better though, they always do!

Keep your chin up! XO

Andhari said...

I'm so sorry to hear you;ve been in a break down, I was like that all week last week and threw some temper tantrums even in blog. It amazes me that people still read. it convinces me that your blog friends ( including me ) will be the same way. You can write about anything and of course everyone will be here with the supports,

I hope things will get better though, I'm really happy you're back.

Shoshanah said...

Seconding Amber, but I missed you as well!

I'm sorry the past few weeks have been so difficult for you, but at least are starting to look up.