To be honest though, it wasn't just conducting interviews and writing articles that kept me away. I feel like over the last few weeks I have been an emotional wreck, easily overwhelmed or upset, and not just about work. Mostly, it was about my personal life. Which is still a little bit too difficult to talk about in great detail on here. Basically, I have some difficult choices to make about where I want my life to go and what I want my life to be and, well, it's hard to let go even when you know you have to. Sorry if that's vague, but that's all I can give right now.
Anyway, while I was absent from the blogosphere, there was one week where I think, looking back on it now, I kind of had a nervous breakdown. Lots of crying, let me tell you. My chest was tight, my heart literally hurt, I felt like there was this weight on me and I couldn't breathe. Not to mention all the knots in my stomach. These feelings made it difficult to concentrate on work, which only added to the stress. A vicious cycle, you could say.
Somehow I got through that and I am feeling better this week. Not to say that anything has changed in my life but I am managing my emotions better right now. The thing is, who knows when that intense depression is going to strike again? I don't like living the way I am living right now. So things do need to change. I feel like I am waiting for the right time, but when is it the right time to make a major change? That's what I need to figure out and I am pretty sure the answer is going to be similar to the advice a person would give someone right before pulling off a Band-Aid: Just do it.
It's just not that easy, of course.
So that's my reason behind the silence. The funny thing is, blogging can be pretty cathartic, so really, I should do it more—not less—in times of turmoil. I'll have to remember that next time. I know I have the support of the handful of people who read this blog, people who I have never even met. And I am grateful for that. What I wrote just now is something I haven't even shared with a best friend. It's nice—albeit, a little scary—to have a place to reveal the corners of your heart and know that you won't be judged and you're not alone.
P.S. I promise the next post will be more lighthearted. I had a pretty good weekend and I new look that I want to share with you!
3 wise images, all via i can read