Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Too much

I know this is something people say in "Monday" posts, but I'm going to say it a day late: The weekend just flew by.

On Sunday night as I was going to bed, I started to think of all the things I had wanted to accomplish in those all-too-brief two days and all the things I still had yet to do. As my eyes got heavy with sleep, a mental to-do list played in my head and the stress I had temporarily let go of on Friday afternoon suddenly began to creep back into my chest. With tense shoulders and a slightly churning stomach, I went to sleep.

Monday I awoke to the unfortunate and unwelcome realization of all I had to get done. With the Thanksgiving holiday, all of my deadlines are moved up a day, which only compounded the "normal" amount of anxiety I feel on Mondays. I am a person that generally likes to have things to do and I relish making to-do lists, but what I enjoy even more is crossing things off. As in done. No more. Finito. But it seems like my life is an unending list of tasks-- the moment I strike one through with my pen, another job is waiting to be tackled and completed. These tasks are mostly work-related but also personal, and laundry is seemingly one of the items that I will never get to because of all the other "priority projects" above it. But a girl needs clean clothes sometime, right?

I wish I could say I have only felt like this as of late, but that's not true. And the burden, the pressure, of having so much on my plate that has to be done perfectly-- because I can't not do it perfectly or at least try-- is starting to wear on me. I am feeling burnt out. Which, of course, makes it even harder to accomplish all that is asked of me, by myself and others. I procrastinate, I fall behind. I work work work to catch up, but then it never seems good enough. I am definitely too hard on myself, for sure, but at times I feel like I can't manage my time, my emotions, my responsibilities, my ... life.

My second grade teacher told my mom that I was a stressed out little girl. Isn't it about time for a break?

image via we heart it via Audrey Hepburn Complex 


Erin said...

I was a stressed out little girl, too, and it seems to have stuck with me as the girls have gone by. I have a constant to-do list whirling about in my head, and I often feel let down (by me) when I can't keep up with it all. I had planned to send all my Christmas parcels by Nov. 1st (we have a lot of relatives in the UK) to save money and send them surface. Now it's Nov 24th and I am knee-deep in report cards and the presents are all piled up on my dining room table, waiting for me to package them up, address them and go stand in line at the post office! Which I soooo do not have time to do. I feel your pain.

And as for the laundry, it's a never-ending battle. I have two little boys and a husband, and their dirty clothes make me crazy. I am constantly trying to keep up with the laundry. Wash it, hang it to dry in my dining room... grrrr! (we don't have a dryer... hubby says it's too expensive to run), wait for it to dry, fold it and put it all away... and all the while another load (or two or three) piles up in the wings. SIGH.

Amber (Girl with the red hair) said...

Oh no :-( I don't know what to tell you, I guess telling your boss that you're ridiculously overwhelmed isn't an option??

Hopefully you'll get some time off around the holidays that will give you a chance to recharge!

Kristin said...

I hope you are able to find some time to rest. You don't want to burn out!

bianca said...

Arg, I'm sorry everything has been so intense for you. Someone asked me when was the last time I wasn't stressed and I couldn't remember...which is scary. Sometimes I think it's part of being an adult, but there has to be some way to eliminate stress. Just wish I could think of it.

Good luck with all of your deadlines!

Saara said...

The post I just made in my blog in finnish is about the exact same thing you just wrote. I wrote as my conclusion that I just need to give up on all the things that are not relevant nor important at the moment and focus on the things that are the most important. Do them in an importance order and forget about the rest. We are only humans and we have only 24 hours a day. Try to figure out how you can stop to stress :)