Friday, March 12, 2010
Inside my head
Today was a beautiful, sunshiney day and all I wanted to do was be lazy, crawl under the covers and hide from the world. Do you ever have days like that? They make me so annoyed at myself.
But it seems I've been having days like today far too often lately. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have a birthday looming. I'm turning the big 2-5 at the end of the month and I'm not so excited about it, for a number of reasons. One, I want to take a vacation but have no money-- or even time, it seems-- to take one. And two, the biggest reason, is I am just not where I would like to be, or where I thought I would be, at this point in my life.
To be honest, I've been feeling like a complete and utter mess lately. A little lost. Like I don't know how I got to where I am and now I need some direction. Because I don't know what I want, what I need, and in the rare instances where I do, I simply don't know how to get it. And it doesn't help when I see-- or read about, as the case may be-- other people who seemingly have it all together. I know, I know. No one is perfect and no one has it all together. But in blogland, it is easy to get caught up in that comparison, to feel inadequate. Maybe that's why I have been staying away.
I had lunch with my mom yesterday, who I hadn't seen in a while, and I don't think I was much of a joy to be around. I walked away from our get together feeling like a complainer when I should have just been happy to be having lunch with her-- instead of thinking about all the work I had to get back to. See, that's what I was telling her venting about. How I feel like all I do is work work work. And I want to live live live.
I know I need to make some changes to get there. And I know I am being totally vague! And I keep erasing my next sentences because I'm having second thoughts about this post. Hopefully you won't hold it against me for being a Debbie Downer. I hope that some of you can share with me what you do when you just can't seem to shake the blues. Where do you go for guidance when you feel lost?
Maybe this weekend will get me out of my funk. Thankfully, my best friend just texted me that she wants to meet up in an hour to shoot some hoops. So random and yet, so needed.
thanks for listening... reading... my ineloquent ramblings.
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